Uninvolved father demands a third child, wife accuses him of being a terrible dad and puts her foot down: “I don’t want to be a single mother of 3”

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jan 7, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. It's not the 1950s anymore. When a man still expects his wife to look beautiful, work full-time, but also be the sole caretaker of the children, you know he's not up to date with modern expectations in relationships. If the husband and wife are in agreement on this arrangement, then that's different. But if one party is unhappy with the situation, it's never going to work long term. Both people need to be on board with the roles and responsibilities of the household. 

Besides roles and responsibilities, it's always the woman's decision whether she wants to have children or not, even if she already has them. Each child is a huge undertaking, not just logistically and financially, but also on the woman's body. It's always her choice in the end. 

This brings us to the story at hand. In the story below, the narrator is a woman who already has two children and feels like she's doing more than she can handle in terms of child-rearing. Her husband surprises her one day with the suggestion they have another child, but she immediately shuts down the idea, and you'll see why.

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  • 01
    "I CHANGED ALL THE DIAPERS, WOKE UP IN THE NIGHT, TOOK CARE OF FEVERS. HE DIDN'T."
    via Jill Wellington @pixabay / Canva
  • 02
    AITA for telling my husband that I dont want to be a single mom of three kids?
    via u/Icy_Memory1247
  • 03
    So, my husband (42m) and me (31f) have been married for 12 years. We have two kids (8m and 4f).
    via u/Icy_Memory1247
  • 04
    Our marriage is not great. His mother and sister often give unsolicited advice on my parenting, our marriage and life in general. It is better in last few months, since I sit down my husband (multiple times), we talked and this time he listened, so they backed of. Not completely but it is better.
    via u/Icy_Memory1247
  • 05
    In last few weeks, husband started mentioning having a third child, which feels me with dread. I love children, always wanted a big family, but it would be too much. I cook, clean, take care of kids and work part time from home.
    via u/Icy_Memory1247

    Having a third child can really change the dynamic of the household. By the third, people tend to be less involved, exhausted from child rearing, and sometimes fail to meet the needs of their third. Obviously, this isn't always the case. But unless a couple really strongly desires having a third, it's probably better to keep it with just the two. Especially when the woman doesn't even want to have another child. 

  • 06
    He doesn't really helps with house (which I am fine with) nor with kids (which is a problem). I changed all diapers, woke up at night, I take care of fevers, doctor appointments, school, playdates, everything. Mere thought of now going through another
    via u/Icy_Memory1247
  • 07
    pregnancy, than taking care of a baby makes me want to cry. I know I would have to do it all practically alone, because my husband "provides and women have been doing it for centuries, i should pull my weight and not be spoiled".
    via u/Icy_Memory1247
  • 08
    It all culminated last night. After another of his "I take great care of you and kids and we should have a third" monologues I snapped. I told him that he really doesn't. That kids barely know him, when he comes home from work, he doesn't pay attention to them, except to snap on our daughter when she is too loud.
    via u/Icy_Memory1247

    What a horrible situation to feel like your husband isn't a good or great father. The daunting daily struggle of wondering how you can make it better must be just as exhausting as feeling like a single mother when you're not. 

  • 09
    He doesn't know anything about our days because he doesn't ask, and I stopped telling him, because he wasn't listening anyway. He is not great father nor husband as he likes to preaches, and I have no desire to be a single mom of a third child, two are quite enough, thank you.
    via u/Icy_Memory1247
  • 10
    He starred at me dumbfounded, that called me a c word, delusional and ungrateful then stormed out to his mother house. So, AITA?
    via u/Icy_Memory1247
  • 11
    Far_Librarian7... NTA I am sorry, but your marriage seems miserable. It's like your husband is living in 1950. And seeing at what age you married him, it is not surprising, he found someone very young to
    via u/Far_Librarian7
  • 12
    fulfill his picket fence dream, and doesn't care are you happy or not.
    via u/Far_Librarian7
  • 13
    Thistime232 NTA. I don't always think an age gap between couples is a problem, but in this situation, it clearly is. You were 19 when you married a 30 year old. And its obvious why a 30 year old here
    via u/Thistime232
  • 14
    wanted a 19 year old, because he wanted someone who he could boss around, and be in charge of. And now that you're finally starting to push back, he's having a temper tantrum and running off to his mommy. At least you've
    via u/Thistime232
  • 15
    learned enough to know not to have another child with this man.
    via u/Thistime232
  • 16
    2npac NTA but you already are a single mom to 3 kids
    via u/2npac
  • 17
    BasicRabbit4 Nta. He was a 32 year old who married a 19 year old. Not surprised he's a Neanderthal that doesn't pull his weight.
    via u/BasicRabbit4
  • 18
    Icy_Memory... OP Hi to everyone. I don't know. how to update, so I'm doing it in the comments.
    via u/Icy_Memory
  • 19
    For clarification - We dated for 9 months and married when I was 18. I turned 31 few days ago and can't imagine being attracted to 18 year old, let alone marrying one, but I didn't think like that back then.
    via u/Icy_Memory
  • 20
    Whatever happens with my marriage, I AM NOT HAVING ANOTHER CHILD, I won't change my mind when it comes to that. I am on birth control, but I also have no desire to have with my husband after how he reacted and treated me.
    via u/Icy_Memory
  • 21
    I don't have parents and I really don't want to go to friends with this.
    via u/Icy_Memory
  • 22
    I called my sister (M) and told her everything. A lot of things that you guys said in the comments, she has been saying for years. She showed up with food, wine and her husband. BIL took my kids to their house for a sleepover and M stayed with me.
    via u/Icy_Memory
  • 23
    My husband is still with his parents, didn't call or text. My MIL called, but I didn't pick up, I'm to angry and sad to have a conversation with her. Thank you everyone for commenting and giving me advice, it really means a lot.
    via u/Icy_Memory
  • 24
    I will update when I talk with my husband and when I know how to proceed (and when I figure out how to update )
    via u/Icy_Memory

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